The League of an Extraordinary Gentleman

It’s been two years since I started working and I’ve experienced diverse people with an assortment of temperaments and personalities. I once read in a newspaper that “Stupid people around you in work could be very dangerous”. I never had balls to imagine the circumstances even though I gave a mere thought and a mocking pitiful sigh for all those silly people with fools around. And then I forgot.

But then the curse of those who probably took my mockery seriously has reflected its outcome and the consequence is I am tied up with wonderful ass around me. I know I have sinned and I never said that I didn’t want to be rebuked for it, but I expected a much better way, something of a kind that I’ve always been seeing in those rather appalling psycho and horror movies. Now that is what a curse is, it never leaves a choice or speculations. It might bequest you with something you might have imagined a piss on your feet and might end up with a poop on head. That’s how life is, and that’s what it teaches us, “Expect the unexpected”. Before you doze off pondering of the nonsense I’m blabbering about, let me tell you the trauma I am in which has resulted such a sickening post.

I am into a new project, a new place, a new team, and last but most important, a new boss. I am not sure how to start my description, he’s a 30 something guy resembling a sumo wrestler by size. An anti-exercising, ostrich brained worthless pig. Now the guy knows nothing but to make an ass out of himself. If people around are depressed, we talk about him and then ppl nearby keep worrying if we'd burst laughing that way. He's always provided us a great entertainment with his wonderful usage of the quarter pound brain he's got. I wish to present him with an award for his excellence in understanding the subject completely against the way it should have been understood. Anyway, I cant keep typing like this.

Hope he hasn't got a blog or atleast not reading mine.

Nightmare

It’s an early Saturday morning and the sun isn’t properly visible yet. I was suddenly awakened by a force that has come from somewhere inside me. I could hardly realize what it was as I was immersed in an extra-ordinary dream. The usually unusual dream of me loosing my gravity and floating in the air. It is usual because I keep getting these kind of dreams very often and unusual because I really find it weird. I was slowly opening my eyes but couldn’t as that force which woke me up was actually transforming into some kind of an illogical pain. I finally grabbed some courage and opened my eyes and found a woman sleeping beside me.

Now before you draw conclusions, let me tell you, that I was traveling on an official assignment with a group of girls who were unfortunately my colleagues and I was the only guy accompanying them from my office in the trip and we were actually traveling in a bus. Now when I say there are a group of girls and there is also the word unfortunate, you could easily conclude few things, and yeah to make it easy for you, let me tell you that I met them for the first time. Anyway, back to the situation, as I didn’t feel like looking at her, I turned to the other side and was looking at the window. I was trying to analyze of how I should react as the pain was growing slowly as each minute was passing by. I knew it would have to come and was helpless. It feels like you’re hit by a 9mm pistol and the bullet once gets into your body is slowly passing though every minute. Occasionally there are also tough ones which make the pain more complicated.

Now few of you who might have experienced or guessed it, I don’t have to explain anything and for those who are still confused and thinking of what all this could be, I’m talking of my situation in a bus where I have a girl and especially my colleague beside me and the force is ‘my Pee’. I was very shy and didn’t actually want to go and ask the driver to stop for my Pee. One of the main reasons is that these bus drivers, who I think rarely drink any water as they never Pee, reject or ignore our request to stop the bus for Peeing. Probably that is something very immaterial for the guy or probably he wears those huggies kind of Nappies, I didn’t actually think of the reasons though, but these guys are very bad as they don’t really understand the priority or the urgency of reaction that the situation needs. I didn’t want to be embarrassed by the driver and so I didn’t go to him and was trying to control and the situation was getting worse.

I suddenly realized that since I woke up the bus just moved a mere 50kms and it’s been more than an hour that it got worse. I finally gained some courage and have moved that sleeping log beside me and went to the driver only to be ignored and he waved me away saying he’d stop after sometime. And that ‘after sometime’ was very long and it was actually longer because of the situation. Finally he stopped after another 50kms drive while I was thinking of writing this blog and many other funny things just to make the situation feel a bit worse from worst. As soon as he stopped, the bastard began to look behind for me and was waving at me, making me even more embarrassed but for the situation which I didn’t really care. Once I was out, the relief of the release I felt is truly wonderful and was thanking for the Happy Ending!

Corporate Positive Attitude

I hope most of the people have guessed the content by the name itself. I've always been a critic and love being so. Now for people who do not know what is Corporate Positive Attitude, please pay attention so that you might be doing well in your job by developing this attitude. First of all, lemme explain you what is corporate positive attitude.

Basically according to the recruiters and managers, all the employees should have a really positive attitude and must be willing to take up any kind of "challenges". Now a fresh college passout would be so entusiastic looking for such requirements and is happy as he feels that he's got the will to face the challenges and the real positive attitude. But these guys are stupid enough not to realise the actual meaning for those sugar coated demands. They actually want you to do any kind of "challenging work"(if considered work) which most others have not preffered to do, but as you are new to the field you must and whould be doing it and accept all that with a smile and be very happy with the creativity. If only would these demands be more transperent, there wouldn't have been so many lives slogging in the IT firms and deep inside, feeling that even though they're seeming happy and fine with 5days of "work" and a 2 day weekend, they're not satisfied with their life and work. May be most of us think there's no other chance to improve our lives any better, i don't know about others, but i think the same.

According to the Corporate Norms I am a guy with loads and loads of negative attitude and not ready for any kind of challenges and a weak stupid guy and simply not fit for the so-called Corporate Life. But if i choose to quit this kind of life, they call me fool and a lunatic. If i continue, i feel the same about myself. There has always been a clash with the society and my thoughts. When i was younger than now, i used to feel that these unique thoughts of mine would help me bring a change in the society and do any better to the people, but like many, even i have realised that i've to go on with the flock and try not to be different. Many a time i am really happy that India is "Independent", if independence means what it is that we have now(Wish i really was). May be i would try it one day, out of frustration or enthusiasm. I'm not sure. Let's see.

Happy Days

This Sunday i went to this movie in telugu, "Happy Days". It was kinda gud movie but i didn't get nostalgic like i generally do. The story is about Engineering college life in hyderabad and at some point of time most of the engineering students would have experienced most of the film's incidents.

Generally when i watch movies of this sort and stuff which might conincide with my life, i get lil nostalgic and think about the times which i experienced, but this movie even though i liked it, never got me into the trance. I then realised that my engineering days were not too good a Happy Days to be called. I do agree that i had good friends and i enjoyed my time with them, but then i had very bad experiences in the end. Generally all the so-called bad things happen in the beginning and in the end everything patches up and turns to a happy ending which never happened in our case. We had differences in between which never patched up and rather made us apart day after day and finally resulting in letting the group divide.

Even in the first few days, each of us had different opinions which rarely agreed with each other, but then depending on the situation we used to get to a mutual agreement and compromise. I must say that there were times which made us feel that we're great friends, but then, there were more number of times when we actually had many differences. The problem with most of us was, we were never frank to each other. I could say that even though i was frank many a time it doesn't help, but still i was. Frankness though hurts many a time, never lets you down because at the end of the day you could be happy that there's nothing ill between you and your friend. That probably never happened. There were groups among groups and these were divided further and finally the difference in opinion is upto such a level that each of us were a seperate sub-divided group. I still remember, there was this 'W' who was in my group and who used to be with 'X','Y' and 'Z'. Now even though this guy had differences with them, he seems to be very comfortable but when he comes to me, keeps complaining about them. And almost all of us in the group had the same problem. This led to differences and more differences. No one in the group bothered to mind differences between any other two in the group and slowly the group split and finally crumbled into pieces. Finally now, even though we call each other, chat to each other, we still know that we had the differences and we're never the same. We talk good to each other as if things never went wrong between us, but each of us know the truth.

I know this confession would bring nothing good cuz even though people who're related to this read it, they would never mind talking about it and may be it's now hard to get back or may be there's no need to get back. Each of us are in different places and dont need each other, we've got new friends, but still, i miss them all. Yes All!!!!

If there's one thing i could turn back time and do something, i would surely make my engineering days memorable. Cuz those are the best days of our life. I never wanted things to go wrong at this pace and this bad. I knew there would always be differences, but never imagined they would turn up this way. I dont know how bad the others are feeling or atleast thinking about those days, but yeah, i am thinking about them, cuz watever has happened, we've spent those good times together. Those nights at the roof top Koyla, chatting at the Eat Street, banging my ass on my birthday and putting those condoms all over me(bastards they did it), movies, campus placements, and many other moments. Even after these differences, I thank you all for those wonderful times we had. I might be wrong in ur point of view, but you never expressed it and i never knew it. I am sorry if I hurt you!

Damn i thought this movie never made me nostalgic, to hell, finally this movie got me too. Aaaarrrrggg!!!!!!

How much do you want?

Greed. It is something which keeps the world going. I dont know why i keep writing this kind of stuff, but i enjoy writing it. May be, i am letting out my feelings and pain in this way by writing on these topics. Or may be i am atleast trying to. I always feel that i am missing something in my life and if i would have fulfilled that one wish, i might be satisfied. Human instinct you see. Either i get that or i dont. If i dont, then i have some other wish that i want it to be fulfilled. And if by chance my wish is satisfied, then there's an other wish waiting in the queue to be fulfilled and the progression never ends.

Why is it so that we are in need of something which we dont have, why aren't we satisfied with what we have? Many a time i feel, its probably good to an extent to be greedy, may be because, what we have today is because of that need for something which we had sometime back. But the problem with us is that we're never satisfied after a certain extent and as i said the chain never ends.

I always wonder why people are never satisfied with what they have(includes me too). We always need something more than what we have and that need for that something never ends and always there's a new something. Life's like that, it makes you do the worst of the things that you never even thought you might, at some point of time in your life, ever do. But all of us are compelled to lead our lives that way. No one has a solution. We never know where it all started. At the end of the day, all we could do is to blame, blame the goddam society for making a dork out of us. And then curse ourselves for knocking ourselves into the hovel. We want to get back, we would feel like leading a pure life. But by then, we drag ourselves so deep into it, that we cant turn back or we're too old to get back. There you are struck with your cruelself, fighting with your conscience and there's no win or loose cuz u already lost.

I feel i am insane to think of all this,but cant keep myself out of it. Most of us aware of these problems and situations and we know that there's no solution and we should keep up the pace. That's life and there's no end to how much we want!!!!!

My Dreams, My Work...... And Now - I Suck!!!

Zindagi is tarah badlegi, socha na tha,
Bas khushiyon ke yaad reh gaye hai ab.
Kya suhaane din the woh, Jo guzar gaye,
Ab kabhi na lautenge us jannat mein.

Ab toh bas yehi hai zindagi hamaari,
Woh din toh shayari mein badal gaye.
Kuch bhi nahi raha ab zindagi mein,
Jo kar sake hum apni marzi se.

Errrrr........... Hope tht was not real bad. Its been ages since i stopped writing poetry kinda stuff. It was during my school days that i used to write poetry. Then, stopped cuz of some reasons. Dunno felt like letting one out after so many years. I know it was not as good as i wanted it to be, but its ok cuz its been a long time. And moreover, the place i am in, has moved most of my talent out of my head. No regrets.

Its been a month that i am in this place (dream destination for most Indians) and i dont feel the life. I am nothing but a puppet. I am just an other tool or so called resource who is doing something which, may be, i didn't fantasize anything of this sort during my college days. I thought i would be working on something very much exciting and i would be creating some wonders, fascinations you see. But now i am in this so called dream place, trying to do something which, may be, i never thought i would do. All my dreams and fantasies have just washed out.


When I was in my training, I thought that we were being stressed up to this extent cuz there might be a lot of it to handle in the future. Yes this is a real stress, cuz you should be stable enough to handle the stress of your dreams being run into scum. You must be strong enough to face the truth. That's what you are and that's what happens when you are into a firm which is powered by intellect and driven by values. I still remember each and every moment of the day i got placed in this great institution. OMG!! I was so happy, no bounds for my excitement. I felt i've conqered the world. Even though i was aware that there are thousands in the firm, the feeling of achieving this could be compared to nothin. I am still wondering how innocent or may be stupid i was. What good am i?

Note:

People readin these posts. Please note that i pen down watever i feel at the very moment i am writing. So there may be times my posts may contradict my previous posts. But, What to do! That is what i am!! A chameleon!!..;-)

Wudn't be surprised if ppl wud consider me a lunatic too.. Cuz... A lunatic is a lunatic!!!!!!!!!

Orkut Display Names and Pics

Disclaimer: This Post may be offending for most of the readers as it may contain some facts related to them. And any resemblance to any person or to his/her is mere coincidence. Its jus to describe and make the readers understand about the matter has the author used few infracting Sh*t or wateva. Now the disclaimer nonsense is over n u could read the post.. Here it goes..

When I surf the communities in Orkut, I come across many profiles with strange Display names and even more strange names for the pics in their albums. I mean it’s so strange people write about themselves, vaunting their so called ingenuity. I noticed a guy writing “Born to Rule”, now the guy’s actually a +2 student and seems that he even failed in a subject or two. Now I never understood what in the world made him feel he would be ruling. And an other guy writes “If looks could kill, then get ready to die”. I was curious of how handsome the guy wud be. Damn!! Jesus Christ!!! Watever he wrote was true. His looks were so KILLING, that I almost got killed. F*^k Shit. I never thought he meant it in true sense. Dunno how many other people he killed, with his KILLING LOOKS.

There’s an other guy who writes “MADDY ALWAYS STAY WITH COOL”. Now the mordancy here is.. Firstly, I was never able to understand his English. Ok let’s not ridicule over his language cuz everyone cant speak or write good English and cud make mistakes. I later tried to scrutinize wat he wanted to convey. But in the process, i was tryin to interpret what he meant to say by “always stay with cool”, is it that it's summer and he wud want to stay cool resting or being Cool, with the “Yoh Man!!” effect. And his name or pet name, wateva, its Maddy. Never understood if it meant that he’s mad or a foolish ass. And there are people who put, names such as PRINCE, PRINCESS, AMAZON, bullshit and so on… Now I’ve always been wondering which state is still allowing them to rule and these Amazon women, few of then are so lean, damn you can blow them off with no second go. Hope these people realize the crap they’ve been writing and the fun that they’re makin outta themselves.

Now, about the Pics and their captions. Once I came across a profile, The display image was stating “IF BEING SEXY IS A CRIME, ARREST ME”!!! WTF!!! For a moment I was wondering if the person is Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson in disguise. I was kinda inquisitive and went thru his album expecting a hansome hunk. Now wat I find is a guy, looking as lean as a Marasmus kid, he’s got long hair and was lookin a vamp with his googs. Damn! if he considered himself sexy wat wud Hritik and Brosnan think of themselves. They wud bang their head against the wall and blow themselves with a gun. “Brosnan! Please, Please don’t sign in to orkut. Hope u wudn’t want repent.”. There are many quoted pics saying “This person’s pic is too sext to be displayed”, “Girls! Please don’t look at my album”, “Album Updated”. I dunno wat ppl want to convey with their weird display names.

After noticing many profiles like these, I too feel like putting a caption, “God! Please Why did u give me Commonsense!”(Now that was a joke though). But I think I must actually appreciate these people for their astounding attitude. Hats Off People!!

Indian Weddings

Weddings. The very thought of this word gives me a sick feeling. No!! It’s not that I hate weddings. But the hype that people give and the fuss that they make really irritates me. I think I hardly attended four or five weddings since my childhood. Don’t know why I never liked them as they never gave me a good notion. When I was a kid, I used to love goin to these weddings. May be its cuz I get to meet many people and the sight of people always intrigued me. But then, later I slowly learnt that it was no fun, meeting those old jerks who used to squeeze my cheeks for their vicious pleasure. Many a time I used to feel like hitting them on their testicles to pop their fu*kin balls out. Damn, wat do they think, am I a Merry-Andrew. Now if that is the case with me, imagine what the bride n the groom would be facing?

The saga of the Indian wedding goes on. Now, there’s guy called Groom sitting on the stagecoach arriving towards the Bride’s house as the soldier returning from the war. The guy seems to be more tired than excited by the time he arrives. Hmmm.. I think I shud describe it as a mixed feeling of tiredness as well as excitement. The people beside him, behave as if he’s a Private returning from the war with medal of honor. I’ve always wondered if the guy ever realized what’s all the ruckus goin on. Hmmm… He wud jus be thinking of the so called wonderful moment(s) that he’s going to have after the show.

Now once the couple is brought to the congregation hall, the irony of the whole episode begins. The pundit recites the endless chants of the mantras which are neither understood by the couple nor by the audience. Now by the time half of the ritual is over, most of the people either sleep or do their own work. The ladies keep commenting about the sarees and their colors and the men keep gossiping about politics or some worthless shit. The couple are the scapegoats here and all the people enjoy the sadistic pleasure of dumping two other lives, for which they give it a sacred name called Wedding.

After all this bullshit drama, people fiendishly wish the couple “A Happy Married Life” thinking that there goes another rabbit into the den. This is what they call, A Wedding.

Pastor's Ass

Recently, I’ve come across this mail and thought it is worth sharing here. It is jus a forward mail but the humor as well as the moral of the story allured me and made me post it here.


Here goes the story:

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is...being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life...

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


This story really made me think, as it is not only a bit humorous but actually thought-provoking. Life is much happier when we don’t get involved into other’s business without their endorsement. There may be things which would need our concern. But we must limit ourselves to the locus of the concern and should not try to get more inquisitive.