Wars have always been the most interesting and insightful topics all through my life. I never really cared to judge who was right and who was wrong. The vested interests of a very few change the courses of thousands of lives, and in few cases, millions. The stories of people involved in the war, whether it is the fighters, the survivors or the victims, never fails to intrigue one. History has always been the story of the so called ‘winners’.
So easily do people (including myself) who have little knowledge or insight into the real situation utter nonsensical judgments that we form by reading a story here and there. People take pride in the downfall of a particular community, country or a religion. How shallow are we to condemn someone by race, sex, religion or region? We are easily aggravated by a silly thought one expresses on a website. We renounce our tolerance, our intelligence, and our openness, to counter an uneducated comment. We fight for a reason known to none. We mask ourselves in illusions created by others; sometimes, unfortunately, by ourselves. We enjoy flattering ourselves with our own beliefs, while blocking our view to others’. What a life we lead, and yet we take pride in our mere existence.
It is not about any of those specific comments that I’ve read or those thoughts that people have expressed. It is about our views and ideas as humans. It is the idea of wanting to see only that, which we want to see. It is the sickening thought of not being able to acknowledge every person’s struggle, emotion, perception, and much more. It is about those answers we never try to explore behind them. It is about the ease with which we form our opinions, which seem so strong, that it could be shocking. It is an interestingly ‘sane’ world that we live in. That’s probably the reason why we fall in love with occasional glimpses of love, pain and sorrow.
Sunday 4 November, 2012
Thursday 26 July, 2012
India - Beyond the Dark Culture
I’ve been raised in a liberal family (for Indian standards), however, constantly fed with the values of our culture. I was trained to feel proud of my cultural values and the traditions. However, I have always been a practical person and I demanded logic for almost everything that I was being taught as part of culture and tradition. Whenever my parents or some elders told me to do or to not do something, I raised questions. One of my favorite fights with my mom occurs every Saturday. She says that I was born on this day and which is somehow related to some Indian god and thus I should not eat meat on Saturdays. I do not logically see why I should agree to this. I always debate with her saying that it doesn’t make sense to not eat meat on one particular day. I ask her for reason and that’s when she plays her ‘Mother’s sentiment’ card. Unfortunately for her, I keep forgetting that I shouldn’t eat meat on Saturdays as per my mom’s request and I even tell her that I did, which pisses her off even more.
Most of us know that the whole point of these cultural customs and traditions is that they were formed for a logical reason when the thought came into existence. However, we do not mind following blindly what has been adapted tens of centuries ago for surviving the circumstances at that time. Prophet Mohammed never asked Muslims to go marry how many ever women they want. He suggested that Muslim men can adopt widowed women by marrying them and taking care of them. But in due course, to make the suggestion work in their best interests, Muslim men eliminated the part about adopting the widowed women and just stuck with marrying any number of women. While one cannot really ascertain whether this is true, it makes sense from a logical stand point. There are such blind faiths in every religion and as people evolved over time, they retained the parts of blind faith that are most convenient to sustain their dominance and to suppress the weak.
In the recent times, one can observe that it is not just a problem with culture or traditions. It is much more than that. When I learn in the news about foetus being found in the trashcans and drainages, when a doctor pulls a newborn out of incubator because he wasn’t paid Rs. 200, when a woman is being stripped off in the middle of the road while the rest are enjoying the show clicking picture, when a father beheads his daughter and walks proudly to set an example and warning others against loving people from other castes, it does not merely pain to be a part of such society, it hurts deep in the heart. It hurts because I cannot understand how these people spend peaceful nights in sleep. It hurts because I am part of this society that mutely watches such acts and even supports them while blaming the victims. It hurts the most because I am helpless. I am helpless because it isn’t a few weeds in the society that needs to be eliminated. It is not a bunch of fundamentalist bastards who perform such acts. It is not a single problem related to castes, religion or women. It is the fundamental lack of respect for EVERYONE ELSE in the world. It is the lack of respect towards others’ freedom to let them live their lives the way they want. One never questions oneself of why we should consider ourselves responsible for others’ lives and others’ decisions in life. It is our constant judgment as a society to make people adhere to the ghastly norms that the illogical beliefs have set. Yes, I am helpless and I will remain helpless. I will remain helpless because I am the outcast here. I will remain helpless because I can only be the change I want to see; however, I will never see the same change in the society. I loathe my helplessness and my existence in this society.
Monday 23 July, 2012
Third World Dump Yard
Having interacted with people from the so-called ‘First World’, I don’t find Oprah’s remarks and irrationality, surprising. While India does face a wide variety of social problems, the outlook of the West, that they are living a life in paradise is quite ironic and ignorant. Here are some of the most common ‘issues’ or remarks that my western friends make, displaying their lack of sensitivity.
You STILL eat with your hands?
Yes, I love eating with my hand and so do most Indians. It is the flexibility to handle food and ease in mixing the gravy evenly that makes me prefer my hands while eating my food. I clean my hands properly before I eat my food. I do not see how forks and spoons are better than clean hands. Where do you stick you knives, forks and spoons when you eat your burgers, hotdogs, tacos, chicken wings, chips, pizzas, and bread?
Isn’t it sad that people in India are so poor?
Yes, people in India are poor. They are poor because your so called colonization ruined our wealth. The rest is ravaged by the goons that we retained in the same positions as they were during the colonial period. And the saga continues. However, being poor isn’t the most horrible situation as long as no one tries to constantly making people feel it is. There are many people who are poor and are still happy; because they do not have to worry about the social display of wealth. Their only worry is to satisfy their stomachs for the day. If they achieve that goal, they are contented; probably more than you are.
Isn’t it unhygienic to clean one’s ass with their hands?
I just have one question in this regard. When you do not consider the acts of taking the penis into one’s mouths, inserting one’s penis into the posterior organ and other such acts unhygienic, how can you call the act of someone cleaning their ass with their hands unhygienic? The list of such acts of pleasure can go on, but I know your imagination can help you with the rest.
How can people marry someone your parents choose for you?
While I personally am not in favor of the idea of arranged marriages, I do not understand why the concept is so appalling. It is a cultural practice that has been followed over the ages. Yes, it did not change. But people are doing just as fine as you are doing with your love marriages, and sometimes even better. It isn't the best system, but, it works. At least, our children are not brought up being confused not knowing whether to call their mom, sister or daughter or aunt or whatever the heck it is, because the kid could not keep a count on whom his mom or dad is falling in love with.
Everytime someone from these 'First World' countries comes up with such questions, I feel pity for their lack of understanding towards different cultures. The self-obsession and love for superficiality never fails to amuse me.
You STILL eat with your hands?
Yes, I love eating with my hand and so do most Indians. It is the flexibility to handle food and ease in mixing the gravy evenly that makes me prefer my hands while eating my food. I clean my hands properly before I eat my food. I do not see how forks and spoons are better than clean hands. Where do you stick you knives, forks and spoons when you eat your burgers, hotdogs, tacos, chicken wings, chips, pizzas, and bread?
Isn’t it sad that people in India are so poor?
Yes, people in India are poor. They are poor because your so called colonization ruined our wealth. The rest is ravaged by the goons that we retained in the same positions as they were during the colonial period. And the saga continues. However, being poor isn’t the most horrible situation as long as no one tries to constantly making people feel it is. There are many people who are poor and are still happy; because they do not have to worry about the social display of wealth. Their only worry is to satisfy their stomachs for the day. If they achieve that goal, they are contented; probably more than you are.
Isn’t it unhygienic to clean one’s ass with their hands?
I just have one question in this regard. When you do not consider the acts of taking the penis into one’s mouths, inserting one’s penis into the posterior organ and other such acts unhygienic, how can you call the act of someone cleaning their ass with their hands unhygienic? The list of such acts of pleasure can go on, but I know your imagination can help you with the rest.
How can people marry someone your parents choose for you?
While I personally am not in favor of the idea of arranged marriages, I do not understand why the concept is so appalling. It is a cultural practice that has been followed over the ages. Yes, it did not change. But people are doing just as fine as you are doing with your love marriages, and sometimes even better. It isn't the best system, but, it works. At least, our children are not brought up being confused not knowing whether to call their mom, sister or daughter or aunt or whatever the heck it is, because the kid could not keep a count on whom his mom or dad is falling in love with.
Everytime someone from these 'First World' countries comes up with such questions, I feel pity for their lack of understanding towards different cultures. The self-obsession and love for superficiality never fails to amuse me.
Wednesday 11 July, 2012
The Dilemma with Sex in India
Of late, there has been an exponential coverage in Indian media on molestation incidents taking place in the country. I am not shocked that such incidents are occurring so frequently these days because such cases were previously unnoticed, or the victims never dared to complain as they were concerned about the societal norms. However, it is interesting and commendable that the victims, in the recent times, are more courageous to come to fight for justice. In a society with conservative (read uncivilized) views and where justice is delivered usually when the victim is dead fighting, it takes real courage to raise voices against injustice.
In a country with a population of 1.3billion, sex is a taboo. Even since childhood, our parents try to raise us as if sex is an offense. They make it seem as if it is the forbidden fruit or the Pandora box. This raises more desire and curiosity in the minds of teenagers than it normally would. Such curiosity turns into craving and gets to peaks as they cross their puberty and grow as adults. This leads to people finding alternative ways to deal with the situation. The ones who cannot deal with will stare at women everywhere as if they were going to rape them. And rape they will, as soon as they develop more frustration.
With society terming women who even hang out with guys as sluts, it is not surprising that women grow up with conservative mindsets. Instead of welcoming the attitude of the ones who grow over these ‘modern views’ that our society holds (I was going to say primitive, however, I figured that the primitive man must have been more open minded in this regard).
With these mindsets and unstated laws, we are creating barriers in the demand and supply for sex, which in turn leads to the black market such forced prostitution and worse, rapes. The trouble with legalizing prostitution in a country like India is that people are not ready for such a reform. The whole point of legalizing prostitution is to provide protection for these women and avoid forced prostitution. The police in India provide their disgusting personal opinions on the rape victims who are trying to overcome the societal views in a hope for justice. With such attitude, it is quite evident what kind of protection these policemen will offer the sex workers.
While there is no clear solution except for the people to change the way we look at things (as for any other problem), the fact that these rape victims are pursuing to raise their voices might hopefully make a difference with time. A society that is obsessed with bollywood where 90% of the movies are based on Love and Relationships, it is ironic that we all love to live in our own hypocritical world away from those movies. However, we love to pat our backs for our extreme cultural values which we preach to the Western World.
In a country with a population of 1.3billion, sex is a taboo. Even since childhood, our parents try to raise us as if sex is an offense. They make it seem as if it is the forbidden fruit or the Pandora box. This raises more desire and curiosity in the minds of teenagers than it normally would. Such curiosity turns into craving and gets to peaks as they cross their puberty and grow as adults. This leads to people finding alternative ways to deal with the situation. The ones who cannot deal with will stare at women everywhere as if they were going to rape them. And rape they will, as soon as they develop more frustration.
With society terming women who even hang out with guys as sluts, it is not surprising that women grow up with conservative mindsets. Instead of welcoming the attitude of the ones who grow over these ‘modern views’ that our society holds (I was going to say primitive, however, I figured that the primitive man must have been more open minded in this regard).
With these mindsets and unstated laws, we are creating barriers in the demand and supply for sex, which in turn leads to the black market such forced prostitution and worse, rapes. The trouble with legalizing prostitution in a country like India is that people are not ready for such a reform. The whole point of legalizing prostitution is to provide protection for these women and avoid forced prostitution. The police in India provide their disgusting personal opinions on the rape victims who are trying to overcome the societal views in a hope for justice. With such attitude, it is quite evident what kind of protection these policemen will offer the sex workers.
While there is no clear solution except for the people to change the way we look at things (as for any other problem), the fact that these rape victims are pursuing to raise their voices might hopefully make a difference with time. A society that is obsessed with bollywood where 90% of the movies are based on Love and Relationships, it is ironic that we all love to live in our own hypocritical world away from those movies. However, we love to pat our backs for our extreme cultural values which we preach to the Western World.
Wednesday 29 July, 2009
The League of an Extraordinary Gentleman
It’s been two years since I started working and I’ve experienced diverse people with an assortment of temperaments and personalities. I once read in a newspaper that “Stupid people around you in work could be very dangerous”. I never had balls to imagine the circumstances even though I gave a mere thought and a mocking pitiful sigh for all those silly people with fools around. And then I forgot.
But then the curse of those who probably took my mockery seriously has reflected its outcome and the consequence is I am tied up with wonderful ass around me. I know I have sinned and I never said that I didn’t want to be rebuked for it, but I expected a much better way, something of a kind that I’ve always been seeing in those rather appalling psycho and horror movies. Now that is what a curse is, it never leaves a choice or speculations. It might bequest you with something you might have imagined a piss on your feet and might end up with a poop on head. That’s how life is, and that’s what it teaches us, “Expect the unexpected”. Before you doze off pondering of the nonsense I’m blabbering about, let me tell you the trauma I am in which has resulted such a sickening post.
I am into a new project, a new place, a new team, and last but most important, a new boss. I am not sure how to start my description, he’s a 30 something guy resembling a sumo wrestler by size. An anti-exercising, ostrich brained worthless pig. Now the guy knows nothing but to make an ass out of himself. If people around are depressed, we talk about him and then ppl nearby keep worrying if we'd burst laughing that way. He's always provided us a great entertainment with his wonderful usage of the quarter pound brain he's got. I wish to present him with an award for his excellence in understanding the subject completely against the way it should have been understood. Anyway, I cant keep typing like this.
Hope he hasn't got a blog or atleast not reading mine.
But then the curse of those who probably took my mockery seriously has reflected its outcome and the consequence is I am tied up with wonderful ass around me. I know I have sinned and I never said that I didn’t want to be rebuked for it, but I expected a much better way, something of a kind that I’ve always been seeing in those rather appalling psycho and horror movies. Now that is what a curse is, it never leaves a choice or speculations. It might bequest you with something you might have imagined a piss on your feet and might end up with a poop on head. That’s how life is, and that’s what it teaches us, “Expect the unexpected”. Before you doze off pondering of the nonsense I’m blabbering about, let me tell you the trauma I am in which has resulted such a sickening post.
I am into a new project, a new place, a new team, and last but most important, a new boss. I am not sure how to start my description, he’s a 30 something guy resembling a sumo wrestler by size. An anti-exercising, ostrich brained worthless pig. Now the guy knows nothing but to make an ass out of himself. If people around are depressed, we talk about him and then ppl nearby keep worrying if we'd burst laughing that way. He's always provided us a great entertainment with his wonderful usage of the quarter pound brain he's got. I wish to present him with an award for his excellence in understanding the subject completely against the way it should have been understood. Anyway, I cant keep typing like this.
Hope he hasn't got a blog or atleast not reading mine.
Tuesday 14 July, 2009
Consequence of Weekend Exploration
Usually my day starts with a boring alarm and then I begin my chores until this weekend experience which has made the difference since then. There is a hill adjacent to my apartment which I’ve always wanted to conquer since I shifted to this place. I used to see even old people climbing it slowly. But I am an addict due to which I never could take up the task. My addiction being my laziness has kept me in its trance and never gave up on me. I didn’t want to let him feel defeated, so I never resented.
But this Sunday, this laziness of mine went for a holiday and I took to the task. After I had lunch I took a break of 30mins and started on my boxer shorts, I went on the top and realized that I hadn’t experienced such air ever in recent times. It was amazing and then what!! I see that there are series of hills connected and one could walk over on the top of them. I went about half a kilometer and reached the next hill where I found a particularly wonderful spot and landed my arse on the concrete. I could just sit on it for hours (2hours though) and feel the wind gushing and gaily solitude crept upon me. I was enjoying every bit of it. Time dint seem like it existed. Added to that, it started drizzling which multiplied my excitement. I just sat there till the rain god has completely satisfied himself by drenching me but less did he know my contemplation of bliss I was driving out of it. Finally I didn’t want to scare my mom that I was dead in those bushes by a snake bite or a slip from those rocks, so after four hours merriment, I left to my home.
And on my way back I decided that I was going to visit this place EVERY day. So I did yesterday and felt good. Today it was slightly drizzling and I kind of realized that if I give up now my friend who went on a holiday would come back and conquer me so I started again. Usually a damp beginning is not really something I welcome to start a day with, but today I went up the hill and what I realized was that the rain god thought he had been more judicious in thinking that his outburst was going to make me feel a blighter of myself. I have successfully tricked him and silently enjoyed his thrust huffing and puffing as I wanted to complete the whole operation in 30mins today.
Way back some strange minute object took over my sight of an eye for a brief moment and I didn’t stop, what I realized was my speed was exponentially increasing and I was compelled to open by sour eye and try reducing my speed. I somehow succeeded and my very presence here writing this post proves that. I then has a feeling incubating in my mind that what if I could climb up and down with my eyes closed. I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I think I’ll give it a try unless these spirits die.
But this Sunday, this laziness of mine went for a holiday and I took to the task. After I had lunch I took a break of 30mins and started on my boxer shorts, I went on the top and realized that I hadn’t experienced such air ever in recent times. It was amazing and then what!! I see that there are series of hills connected and one could walk over on the top of them. I went about half a kilometer and reached the next hill where I found a particularly wonderful spot and landed my arse on the concrete. I could just sit on it for hours (2hours though) and feel the wind gushing and gaily solitude crept upon me. I was enjoying every bit of it. Time dint seem like it existed. Added to that, it started drizzling which multiplied my excitement. I just sat there till the rain god has completely satisfied himself by drenching me but less did he know my contemplation of bliss I was driving out of it. Finally I didn’t want to scare my mom that I was dead in those bushes by a snake bite or a slip from those rocks, so after four hours merriment, I left to my home.
And on my way back I decided that I was going to visit this place EVERY day. So I did yesterday and felt good. Today it was slightly drizzling and I kind of realized that if I give up now my friend who went on a holiday would come back and conquer me so I started again. Usually a damp beginning is not really something I welcome to start a day with, but today I went up the hill and what I realized was that the rain god thought he had been more judicious in thinking that his outburst was going to make me feel a blighter of myself. I have successfully tricked him and silently enjoyed his thrust huffing and puffing as I wanted to complete the whole operation in 30mins today.
Way back some strange minute object took over my sight of an eye for a brief moment and I didn’t stop, what I realized was my speed was exponentially increasing and I was compelled to open by sour eye and try reducing my speed. I somehow succeeded and my very presence here writing this post proves that. I then has a feeling incubating in my mind that what if I could climb up and down with my eyes closed. I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I think I’ll give it a try unless these spirits die.
Sunday 6 July, 2008
Nightmare
It’s an early Saturday morning and the sun isn’t properly visible yet. I was suddenly awakened by a force that has come from somewhere inside me. I could hardly realize what it was as I was immersed in an extra-ordinary dream. The usually unusual dream of me loosing my gravity and floating in the air. It is usual because I keep getting these kind of dreams very often and unusual because I really find it weird. I was slowly opening my eyes but couldn’t as that force which woke me up was actually transforming into some kind of an illogical pain. I finally grabbed some courage and opened my eyes and found a woman sleeping beside me.
Now before you draw conclusions, let me tell you, that I was traveling on an official assignment with a group of girls who were unfortunately my colleagues and I was the only guy accompanying them from my office in the trip and we were actually traveling in a bus. Now when I say there are a group of girls and there is also the word unfortunate, you could easily conclude few things, and yeah to make it easy for you, let me tell you that I met them for the first time. Anyway, back to the situation, as I didn’t feel like looking at her, I turned to the other side and was looking at the window. I was trying to analyze of how I should react as the pain was growing slowly as each minute was passing by. I knew it would have to come and was helpless. It feels like you’re hit by a 9mm pistol and the bullet once gets into your body is slowly passing though every minute. Occasionally there are also tough ones which make the pain more complicated.
Now few of you who might have experienced or guessed it, I don’t have to explain anything and for those who are still confused and thinking of what all this could be, I’m talking of my situation in a bus where I have a girl and especially my colleague beside me and the force is ‘my Pee’. I was very shy and didn’t actually want to go and ask the driver to stop for my Pee. One of the main reasons is that these bus drivers, who I think rarely drink any water as they never Pee, reject or ignore our request to stop the bus for Peeing. Probably that is something very immaterial for the guy or probably he wears those huggies kind of Nappies, I didn’t actually think of the reasons though, but these guys are very bad as they don’t really understand the priority or the urgency of reaction that the situation needs. I didn’t want to be embarrassed by the driver and so I didn’t go to him and was trying to control and the situation was getting worse.
I suddenly realized that since I woke up the bus just moved a mere 50kms and it’s been more than an hour that it got worse. I finally gained some courage and have moved that sleeping log beside me and went to the driver only to be ignored and he waved me away saying he’d stop after sometime. And that ‘after sometime’ was very long and it was actually longer because of the situation. Finally he stopped after another 50kms drive while I was thinking of writing this blog and many other funny things just to make the situation feel a bit worse from worst. As soon as he stopped, the bastard began to look behind for me and was waving at me, making me even more embarrassed but for the situation which I didn’t really care. Once I was out, the relief of the release I felt is truly wonderful and was thanking for the Happy Ending!
Now before you draw conclusions, let me tell you, that I was traveling on an official assignment with a group of girls who were unfortunately my colleagues and I was the only guy accompanying them from my office in the trip and we were actually traveling in a bus. Now when I say there are a group of girls and there is also the word unfortunate, you could easily conclude few things, and yeah to make it easy for you, let me tell you that I met them for the first time. Anyway, back to the situation, as I didn’t feel like looking at her, I turned to the other side and was looking at the window. I was trying to analyze of how I should react as the pain was growing slowly as each minute was passing by. I knew it would have to come and was helpless. It feels like you’re hit by a 9mm pistol and the bullet once gets into your body is slowly passing though every minute. Occasionally there are also tough ones which make the pain more complicated.
Now few of you who might have experienced or guessed it, I don’t have to explain anything and for those who are still confused and thinking of what all this could be, I’m talking of my situation in a bus where I have a girl and especially my colleague beside me and the force is ‘my Pee’. I was very shy and didn’t actually want to go and ask the driver to stop for my Pee. One of the main reasons is that these bus drivers, who I think rarely drink any water as they never Pee, reject or ignore our request to stop the bus for Peeing. Probably that is something very immaterial for the guy or probably he wears those huggies kind of Nappies, I didn’t actually think of the reasons though, but these guys are very bad as they don’t really understand the priority or the urgency of reaction that the situation needs. I didn’t want to be embarrassed by the driver and so I didn’t go to him and was trying to control and the situation was getting worse.
I suddenly realized that since I woke up the bus just moved a mere 50kms and it’s been more than an hour that it got worse. I finally gained some courage and have moved that sleeping log beside me and went to the driver only to be ignored and he waved me away saying he’d stop after sometime. And that ‘after sometime’ was very long and it was actually longer because of the situation. Finally he stopped after another 50kms drive while I was thinking of writing this blog and many other funny things just to make the situation feel a bit worse from worst. As soon as he stopped, the bastard began to look behind for me and was waving at me, making me even more embarrassed but for the situation which I didn’t really care. Once I was out, the relief of the release I felt is truly wonderful and was thanking for the Happy Ending!
Relations
I always wonder why relations are so weird. There was a time when I used to feel that I’ve been good at maintaining them and have felt proud for the art. But now, since the time I started working, I feel I’m so lonely and disabled with most of my relations screwed up. Even though I know the reasons, I’m not able to change myself back. I don’t know if I’ve become very impatient or if people around me have become stupid. I feel a lot irritated by the things they do and the way they handle things with me. I don’t like it anymore. Has everything around me become so very monotonous that I’ve started to feel bored of them or those things? I keep trying to justify everything and everyone around me for retrospection. Even though I do find my mistakes, I feel that others are lot more responsible for my behavior. Now because of this I try to analyze things much more and try to look at them with an unbiased opinion, still I find I’m a bit less at the wrong side. I don’t know if this all started because of me or them. Or may be they were the same and I was able to adjust previously and which I’m not able to do now because of my impatience and temper.
Relations are like a number of threads joined together and the two ends being held strongly by the two people sharing them. Now initially when the tug starts the threads are united and thus are very strong. Later, as time goes and the tug continues and the threads are being pulled more often, the threads in all become weak and at a certain level there comes a stress point and then the disaster starts. Now as the illness of the relation grows, you could easily observe that the threads start to break one by one. At this point of time, if the threads are not properly replaced ‘each at a time’, they tend to go worse and the bond might break at any time.
It’s actually time for me to do something and act upon and it’s just that I’m trying to find ways to do that. Anyway, for all you guys reading this post, I feel it is really important that you guys not only cling on to your threads tightly but also see that the other person too has a tight grip over them and never pull them tight, else you know what might happen!! Retrospection is something really great and helps you realize a lot of things, the more you learn to do that, the more it helps you if only you do it with an unbiased mind. Let me warn you that when you’re doing this so called retrospection, the sickest thing is that even though you thing you are unbiased, deep inside, there’s a devil which always takes your side, so be very careful about him and the rest would do just fine.
Relations are like a number of threads joined together and the two ends being held strongly by the two people sharing them. Now initially when the tug starts the threads are united and thus are very strong. Later, as time goes and the tug continues and the threads are being pulled more often, the threads in all become weak and at a certain level there comes a stress point and then the disaster starts. Now as the illness of the relation grows, you could easily observe that the threads start to break one by one. At this point of time, if the threads are not properly replaced ‘each at a time’, they tend to go worse and the bond might break at any time.
It’s actually time for me to do something and act upon and it’s just that I’m trying to find ways to do that. Anyway, for all you guys reading this post, I feel it is really important that you guys not only cling on to your threads tightly but also see that the other person too has a tight grip over them and never pull them tight, else you know what might happen!! Retrospection is something really great and helps you realize a lot of things, the more you learn to do that, the more it helps you if only you do it with an unbiased mind. Let me warn you that when you’re doing this so called retrospection, the sickest thing is that even though you thing you are unbiased, deep inside, there’s a devil which always takes your side, so be very careful about him and the rest would do just fine.
Tuesday 27 November, 2007
Corporate Positive Attitude
I hope most of the people have guessed the content by the name itself. I've always been a critic and love being so. Now for people who do not know what is Corporate Positive Attitude, please pay attention so that you might be doing well in your job by developing this attitude. First of all, lemme explain you what is corporate positive attitude.
Basically according to the recruiters and managers, all the employees should have a really positive attitude and must be willing to take up any kind of "challenges". Now a fresh college passout would be so entusiastic looking for such requirements and is happy as he feels that he's got the will to face the challenges and the real positive attitude. But these guys are stupid enough not to realise the actual meaning for those sugar coated demands. They actually want you to do any kind of "challenging work"(if considered work) which most others have not preffered to do, but as you are new to the field you must and whould be doing it and accept all that with a smile and be very happy with the creativity. If only would these demands be more transperent, there wouldn't have been so many lives slogging in the IT firms and deep inside, feeling that even though they're seeming happy and fine with 5days of "work" and a 2 day weekend, they're not satisfied with their life and work. May be most of us think there's no other chance to improve our lives any better, i don't know about others, but i think the same.
According to the Corporate Norms I am a guy with loads and loads of negative attitude and not ready for any kind of challenges and a weak stupid guy and simply not fit for the so-called Corporate Life. But if i choose to quit this kind of life, they call me fool and a lunatic. If i continue, i feel the same about myself. There has always been a clash with the society and my thoughts. When i was younger than now, i used to feel that these unique thoughts of mine would help me bring a change in the society and do any better to the people, but like many, even i have realised that i've to go on with the flock and try not to be different. Many a time i am really happy that India is "Independent", if independence means what it is that we have now(Wish i really was). May be i would try it one day, out of frustration or enthusiasm. I'm not sure. Let's see.
Basically according to the recruiters and managers, all the employees should have a really positive attitude and must be willing to take up any kind of "challenges". Now a fresh college passout would be so entusiastic looking for such requirements and is happy as he feels that he's got the will to face the challenges and the real positive attitude. But these guys are stupid enough not to realise the actual meaning for those sugar coated demands. They actually want you to do any kind of "challenging work"(if considered work) which most others have not preffered to do, but as you are new to the field you must and whould be doing it and accept all that with a smile and be very happy with the creativity. If only would these demands be more transperent, there wouldn't have been so many lives slogging in the IT firms and deep inside, feeling that even though they're seeming happy and fine with 5days of "work" and a 2 day weekend, they're not satisfied with their life and work. May be most of us think there's no other chance to improve our lives any better, i don't know about others, but i think the same.
According to the Corporate Norms I am a guy with loads and loads of negative attitude and not ready for any kind of challenges and a weak stupid guy and simply not fit for the so-called Corporate Life. But if i choose to quit this kind of life, they call me fool and a lunatic. If i continue, i feel the same about myself. There has always been a clash with the society and my thoughts. When i was younger than now, i used to feel that these unique thoughts of mine would help me bring a change in the society and do any better to the people, but like many, even i have realised that i've to go on with the flock and try not to be different. Many a time i am really happy that India is "Independent", if independence means what it is that we have now(Wish i really was). May be i would try it one day, out of frustration or enthusiasm. I'm not sure. Let's see.
Tuesday 6 November, 2007
Happy Days
This Sunday i went to this movie in telugu, "Happy Days". It was kinda gud movie but i didn't get nostalgic like i generally do. The story is about Engineering college life in hyderabad and at some point of time most of the engineering students would have experienced most of the film's incidents.
Generally when i watch movies of this sort and stuff which might conincide with my life, i get lil nostalgic and think about the times which i experienced, but this movie even though i liked it, never got me into the trance. I then realised that my engineering days were not too good a Happy Days to be called. I do agree that i had good friends and i enjoyed my time with them, but then i had very bad experiences in the end. Generally all the so-called bad things happen in the beginning and in the end everything patches up and turns to a happy ending which never happened in our case. We had differences in between which never patched up and rather made us apart day after day and finally resulting in letting the group divide.
Even in the first few days, each of us had different opinions which rarely agreed with each other, but then depending on the situation we used to get to a mutual agreement and compromise. I must say that there were times which made us feel that we're great friends, but then, there were more number of times when we actually had many differences. The problem with most of us was, we were never frank to each other. I could say that even though i was frank many a time it doesn't help, but still i was. Frankness though hurts many a time, never lets you down because at the end of the day you could be happy that there's nothing ill between you and your friend. That probably never happened. There were groups among groups and these were divided further and finally the difference in opinion is upto such a level that each of us were a seperate sub-divided group. I still remember, there was this 'W' who was in my group and who used to be with 'X','Y' and 'Z'. Now even though this guy had differences with them, he seems to be very comfortable but when he comes to me, keeps complaining about them. And almost all of us in the group had the same problem. This led to differences and more differences. No one in the group bothered to mind differences between any other two in the group and slowly the group split and finally crumbled into pieces. Finally now, even though we call each other, chat to each other, we still know that we had the differences and we're never the same. We talk good to each other as if things never went wrong between us, but each of us know the truth.
I know this confession would bring nothing good cuz even though people who're related to this read it, they would never mind talking about it and may be it's now hard to get back or may be there's no need to get back. Each of us are in different places and dont need each other, we've got new friends, but still, i miss them all. Yes All!!!!
If there's one thing i could turn back time and do something, i would surely make my engineering days memorable. Cuz those are the best days of our life. I never wanted things to go wrong at this pace and this bad. I knew there would always be differences, but never imagined they would turn up this way. I dont know how bad the others are feeling or atleast thinking about those days, but yeah, i am thinking about them, cuz watever has happened, we've spent those good times together. Those nights at the roof top Koyla, chatting at the Eat Street, banging my ass on my birthday and putting those condoms all over me(bastards they did it), movies, campus placements, and many other moments. Even after these differences, I thank you all for those wonderful times we had. I might be wrong in ur point of view, but you never expressed it and i never knew it. I am sorry if I hurt you!
Damn i thought this movie never made me nostalgic, to hell, finally this movie got me too. Aaaarrrrggg!!!!!!
Generally when i watch movies of this sort and stuff which might conincide with my life, i get lil nostalgic and think about the times which i experienced, but this movie even though i liked it, never got me into the trance. I then realised that my engineering days were not too good a Happy Days to be called. I do agree that i had good friends and i enjoyed my time with them, but then i had very bad experiences in the end. Generally all the so-called bad things happen in the beginning and in the end everything patches up and turns to a happy ending which never happened in our case. We had differences in between which never patched up and rather made us apart day after day and finally resulting in letting the group divide.
Even in the first few days, each of us had different opinions which rarely agreed with each other, but then depending on the situation we used to get to a mutual agreement and compromise. I must say that there were times which made us feel that we're great friends, but then, there were more number of times when we actually had many differences. The problem with most of us was, we were never frank to each other. I could say that even though i was frank many a time it doesn't help, but still i was. Frankness though hurts many a time, never lets you down because at the end of the day you could be happy that there's nothing ill between you and your friend. That probably never happened. There were groups among groups and these were divided further and finally the difference in opinion is upto such a level that each of us were a seperate sub-divided group. I still remember, there was this 'W' who was in my group and who used to be with 'X','Y' and 'Z'. Now even though this guy had differences with them, he seems to be very comfortable but when he comes to me, keeps complaining about them. And almost all of us in the group had the same problem. This led to differences and more differences. No one in the group bothered to mind differences between any other two in the group and slowly the group split and finally crumbled into pieces. Finally now, even though we call each other, chat to each other, we still know that we had the differences and we're never the same. We talk good to each other as if things never went wrong between us, but each of us know the truth.
I know this confession would bring nothing good cuz even though people who're related to this read it, they would never mind talking about it and may be it's now hard to get back or may be there's no need to get back. Each of us are in different places and dont need each other, we've got new friends, but still, i miss them all. Yes All!!!!
If there's one thing i could turn back time and do something, i would surely make my engineering days memorable. Cuz those are the best days of our life. I never wanted things to go wrong at this pace and this bad. I knew there would always be differences, but never imagined they would turn up this way. I dont know how bad the others are feeling or atleast thinking about those days, but yeah, i am thinking about them, cuz watever has happened, we've spent those good times together. Those nights at the roof top Koyla, chatting at the Eat Street, banging my ass on my birthday and putting those condoms all over me(bastards they did it), movies, campus placements, and many other moments. Even after these differences, I thank you all for those wonderful times we had. I might be wrong in ur point of view, but you never expressed it and i never knew it. I am sorry if I hurt you!
Damn i thought this movie never made me nostalgic, to hell, finally this movie got me too. Aaaarrrrggg!!!!!!
Monday 22 October, 2007
How much do you want?
Greed. It is something which keeps the world going. I dont know why i keep writing this kind of stuff, but i enjoy writing it. May be, i am letting out my feelings and pain in this way by writing on these topics. Or may be i am atleast trying to. I always feel that i am missing something in my life and if i would have fulfilled that one wish, i might be satisfied. Human instinct you see. Either i get that or i dont. If i dont, then i have some other wish that i want it to be fulfilled. And if by chance my wish is satisfied, then there's an other wish waiting in the queue to be fulfilled and the progression never ends.
Why is it so that we are in need of something which we dont have, why aren't we satisfied with what we have? Many a time i feel, its probably good to an extent to be greedy, may be because, what we have today is because of that need for something which we had sometime back. But the problem with us is that we're never satisfied after a certain extent and as i said the chain never ends.
I always wonder why people are never satisfied with what they have(includes me too). We always need something more than what we have and that need for that something never ends and always there's a new something. Life's like that, it makes you do the worst of the things that you never even thought you might, at some point of time in your life, ever do. But all of us are compelled to lead our lives that way. No one has a solution. We never know where it all started. At the end of the day, all we could do is to blame, blame the goddam society for making a dork out of us. And then curse ourselves for knocking ourselves into the hovel. We want to get back, we would feel like leading a pure life. But by then, we drag ourselves so deep into it, that we cant turn back or we're too old to get back. There you are struck with your cruelself, fighting with your conscience and there's no win or loose cuz u already lost.
I feel i am insane to think of all this,but cant keep myself out of it. Most of us aware of these problems and situations and we know that there's no solution and we should keep up the pace. That's life and there's no end to how much we want!!!!!
Why is it so that we are in need of something which we dont have, why aren't we satisfied with what we have? Many a time i feel, its probably good to an extent to be greedy, may be because, what we have today is because of that need for something which we had sometime back. But the problem with us is that we're never satisfied after a certain extent and as i said the chain never ends.
I always wonder why people are never satisfied with what they have(includes me too). We always need something more than what we have and that need for that something never ends and always there's a new something. Life's like that, it makes you do the worst of the things that you never even thought you might, at some point of time in your life, ever do. But all of us are compelled to lead our lives that way. No one has a solution. We never know where it all started. At the end of the day, all we could do is to blame, blame the goddam society for making a dork out of us. And then curse ourselves for knocking ourselves into the hovel. We want to get back, we would feel like leading a pure life. But by then, we drag ourselves so deep into it, that we cant turn back or we're too old to get back. There you are struck with your cruelself, fighting with your conscience and there's no win or loose cuz u already lost.
I feel i am insane to think of all this,but cant keep myself out of it. Most of us aware of these problems and situations and we know that there's no solution and we should keep up the pace. That's life and there's no end to how much we want!!!!!
Thursday 18 October, 2007
My Dreams, My Work...... And Now - I Suck!!!
Zindagi is tarah badlegi, socha na tha,
Bas khushiyon ke yaad reh gaye hai ab.
Kya suhaane din the woh, Jo guzar gaye,
Ab kabhi na lautenge us jannat mein.
Ab toh bas yehi hai zindagi hamaari,
Woh din toh shayari mein badal gaye.
Kuch bhi nahi raha ab zindagi mein,
Jo kar sake hum apni marzi se.
Errrrr........... Hope tht was not real bad. Its been ages since i stopped writing poetry kinda stuff. It was during my school days that i used to write poetry. Then, stopped cuz of some reasons. Dunno felt like letting one out after so many years. I know it was not as good as i wanted it to be, but its ok cuz its been a long time. And moreover, the place i am in, has moved most of my talent out of my head. No regrets.
Its been a month that i am in this place (dream destination for most Indians) and i dont feel the life. I am nothing but a puppet. I am just an other tool or so called resource who is doing something which, may be, i didn't fantasize anything of this sort during my college days. I thought i would be working on something very much exciting and i would be creating some wonders, fascinations you see. But now i am in this so called dream place, trying to do something which, may be, i never thought i would do. All my dreams and fantasies have just washed out.
When I was in my training, I thought that we were being stressed up to this extent cuz there might be a lot of it to handle in the future. Yes this is a real stress, cuz you should be stable enough to handle the stress of your dreams being run into scum. You must be strong enough to face the truth. That's what you are and that's what happens when you are into a firm which is powered by intellect and driven by values. I still remember each and every moment of the day i got placed in this great institution. OMG!! I was so happy, no bounds for my excitement. I felt i've conqered the world. Even though i was aware that there are thousands in the firm, the feeling of achieving this could be compared to nothin. I am still wondering how innocent or may be stupid i was. What good am i?
Bas khushiyon ke yaad reh gaye hai ab.
Kya suhaane din the woh, Jo guzar gaye,
Ab kabhi na lautenge us jannat mein.
Ab toh bas yehi hai zindagi hamaari,
Woh din toh shayari mein badal gaye.
Kuch bhi nahi raha ab zindagi mein,
Jo kar sake hum apni marzi se.
Errrrr........... Hope tht was not real bad. Its been ages since i stopped writing poetry kinda stuff. It was during my school days that i used to write poetry. Then, stopped cuz of some reasons. Dunno felt like letting one out after so many years. I know it was not as good as i wanted it to be, but its ok cuz its been a long time. And moreover, the place i am in, has moved most of my talent out of my head. No regrets.
Its been a month that i am in this place (dream destination for most Indians) and i dont feel the life. I am nothing but a puppet. I am just an other tool or so called resource who is doing something which, may be, i didn't fantasize anything of this sort during my college days. I thought i would be working on something very much exciting and i would be creating some wonders, fascinations you see. But now i am in this so called dream place, trying to do something which, may be, i never thought i would do. All my dreams and fantasies have just washed out.
When I was in my training, I thought that we were being stressed up to this extent cuz there might be a lot of it to handle in the future. Yes this is a real stress, cuz you should be stable enough to handle the stress of your dreams being run into scum. You must be strong enough to face the truth. That's what you are and that's what happens when you are into a firm which is powered by intellect and driven by values. I still remember each and every moment of the day i got placed in this great institution. OMG!! I was so happy, no bounds for my excitement. I felt i've conqered the world. Even though i was aware that there are thousands in the firm, the feeling of achieving this could be compared to nothin. I am still wondering how innocent or may be stupid i was. What good am i?
Friday 5 October, 2007
Human Trafficking
Yesterday night, i was switching channels as usual, and came across this Documentary by M TV. It was called EXIT, based on human trafficking. The whole documentary brings out the facts how most of us might be involved in the business of Human trafficking. Even though we know the facts very well, but when you actually listen them from the people who are actually suffering, its more than pathetic. The documentary brings out the pain that we never even dare to think of, but there are acually people alive and facing them. How they were decieved and were made victims, and how their future and their lives crumbled into pieces within no time at such a young age. I really couldn't watch it, but was determined to because it is for us to act upon such brutality. For the first time i thanked the commercial ads which came in the middle of the flick.
I really dont understand how and where the humanity has gone. I feel that the word humanity has lost its meaning.What right do we have to sell or buy our fellow human beings? Does greed for money and hunger kill the human in us. The human race has lost its identity. The reason for which we call ourselves intelligent has no value now. We're no more intelligent, we're degraded animals and something much worser than animals would describe the human race better, because animals are never such cruel. where in the world has all this brutality come from? It is within us. Its because of our cheap needs that our fellow beings are suffering. What right do we have to snatch their life for our selfishenss?
Each of us is responsible for all that is happening in this world. We have become more than selfish that we dont care of what is happening to others. All we are concerned about is ourselves and our families. How many times did we react to any situation which we felt it needs us. Each of us might have come across such situations. We must have come across ditched children across the streets or girls found in miserable state on the roads. How many times did we react to such situations? Did we ever care to give them a second look? We always notice the Sale or a Discount Offer signboard, but never a miserable kid, who might be a victim of human trafficking. We dont even have time to ask ourselves the question that how or in what way we are being useful to the society, to the country and to the world and to the humanity.
Most of us might have thoughts about all these, but we never come to take action when we face the situation. It is because, we feel we have much important things to do, than to bang our heads on such issues. But, just think, how our simple decision putting our thoughts to action might help the humanity and sustain the meaning of it. Its not very difficult do do, but its just that we need to put our thoughts to action. And it just needs a decision which can change the life of a child or someone. People reading this post might be in thinking of what i might have done as i am saying all this. I admit that i never did something much that i could talk about it over here. But yes, i've done all that i could when i come across such situations. I urge each one of you to take an initiative and feel responsible and act to such situations and help in forming a better India.
Jai Hind!!!
I really dont understand how and where the humanity has gone. I feel that the word humanity has lost its meaning.What right do we have to sell or buy our fellow human beings? Does greed for money and hunger kill the human in us. The human race has lost its identity. The reason for which we call ourselves intelligent has no value now. We're no more intelligent, we're degraded animals and something much worser than animals would describe the human race better, because animals are never such cruel. where in the world has all this brutality come from? It is within us. Its because of our cheap needs that our fellow beings are suffering. What right do we have to snatch their life for our selfishenss?
Each of us is responsible for all that is happening in this world. We have become more than selfish that we dont care of what is happening to others. All we are concerned about is ourselves and our families. How many times did we react to any situation which we felt it needs us. Each of us might have come across such situations. We must have come across ditched children across the streets or girls found in miserable state on the roads. How many times did we react to such situations? Did we ever care to give them a second look? We always notice the Sale or a Discount Offer signboard, but never a miserable kid, who might be a victim of human trafficking. We dont even have time to ask ourselves the question that how or in what way we are being useful to the society, to the country and to the world and to the humanity.
Most of us might have thoughts about all these, but we never come to take action when we face the situation. It is because, we feel we have much important things to do, than to bang our heads on such issues. But, just think, how our simple decision putting our thoughts to action might help the humanity and sustain the meaning of it. Its not very difficult do do, but its just that we need to put our thoughts to action. And it just needs a decision which can change the life of a child or someone. People reading this post might be in thinking of what i might have done as i am saying all this. I admit that i never did something much that i could talk about it over here. But yes, i've done all that i could when i come across such situations. I urge each one of you to take an initiative and feel responsible and act to such situations and help in forming a better India.
Jai Hind!!!
Wednesday 18 July, 2007
One week before Transition
This post, i can say is the most nostalgic one and i am writing it after a long gap of experiencing it. Hope i dont loose any of my important experiences. Wish i had time to say them all as soon as i experienced. But you know.. Time.. Its somethin tht is available to you in plenitude wen u dont need to use it and is scarcely available when you want it the most. During my graduation days, all i had, in this world, was lots and lots of Time. But now, time is somethin i crave for. Anyways... Let me get to the original point.
And now as i was leavin, my best friends came home, to bade me bye. We had lot of fun, the previous day, we had a lunch out at a chinese restaurant as i wanted to treat them. We sat at my favorite place, the highest point at my place, the water tank,that night, blabbing some shit about our best moments. I even had one of my closests friends of a time, visiting me that late night. Though officially we're best friends, we both know that there has been a gap, a pretty long gap between both of us, that neither of us deny to accept to each other or to others. But, we know the truth. The reasons. May be, each of us have our own explainations to defend ourselves, ultimately truth strikes like hell. May be, even this is a part of transition. Anyways. I dont want to elaborate much on this point.
The next day i was busy with my packing and all stuff cuz i was leaving for a pretty long time. Even since morning i was kind of, having some neutral feelings. I was neither feeling sad nor happy and the fact that i was very much conscious about that was actually bothering me a lot. Everyone of of us respond in some way wen we're having some kind of transition, but i dunno y i was like that. No feelings. Jus went on packing my stuff and spendin time wid my friends, as casually as i do usually. That's how it was, and that's how i was. My mom never found me emotional at any point of time, or may be i never let her realise my feelings, i never knew. I was jus wondering if i lost all my feelings and emotions. Why have i become like this?? This thought has been twinging me. But then slowly the day passed and we had to leave to the railway station for my journey. As we reached the station i felt a strange prick in my heart, a feeling which was tranquillizing me and was almost preventing me from going and i was not able to agnize it. And this pain was actually suffocating me even more as the time was passing by. Then finally i bade goodbye to my friends and then the train slowly moved. Then i realised that, the "prick", was nothin but a feeling, deep in my heart, which was gesturing from inside me, that i was missing my friends.
At once all the my thoughts plunged me and I was in a trance. I am not going to be with them anymore. All those fun we had together will all remain as memories and then there's no chance to experience it again except for talkin abt those times and feeling sad about them. I might find new friends, but definitely i am surely goin to miss these bastards for sure. Oh my god!! Why are my eyes filled with tears. I dont wanna cry, and i am not, but its paining and i want to cry. But i didn't. Why am i missing them so much. They're not my relations, then why am i missin them so much, why??? I then realised that it was because i loved them, for it doesn't need to be in any kind of relation to be in love. I loved my friends and now i am leaving them. I never realised that they were so important to me and that they were really so close to me that i wud start missing them some day. But everytime you have things waiting to pounce on u at once. I immediately msged them wat i felt and as a fact they too were in same situations. We were such a bastards in the college, that probably everyone who knew us, in the college would never think that we too wud have feelins. We were considered psychos by almost everyone. Finally, we psychos too have feelings and we were experiencing them. With that trance i went to Bangalore and slowly got myself out of it.
Once i was in Bangalore, it was a full week of shopping for me and my ATM(My bro) was ready to sponsor it. I bought almost everything i've wanted. And my ATM never defied me. During this week, i've had many kinds of experiences and almost all my experiences carry different kind of thoughts with them. It was on one of those days, i saw these people. They were about four or five of them, all dressed in attires resembling the cartoon stars like Tweety, Bugs Bunny, Donald Duck and others. They stand infront of these big multi-branded stores to entertain people and mostly children. I never knew how these people looked in real, but they were covered totally in those clothes that they were really lukin cute and had a permanant smiling face. I wondered if they were really that happy, they wud never have had to do this job. Problems, Pain, Money.... All these alre so closely related and all these could make you do anything. But then, you can never run away from them. And you have this thing called pain, that exists everywhere in some or the other form and it hits like deep shit. Thinking about them i let go that night. There were many of these kind of experiences which made me feel i was actually growning and understanding pain even more. But, dear, the more you understand pain, it'll get closer to you and finally award you with its own degree and settle with you forever. So be careful.
And finally I had to go to get my ass ripped and so we started to Mysore. The world's best training centre, i would say, with world class facilities and which a normal person would never even be able to dream or think of owning it. And i was a bit proud that i was atleast living there for a good amount of time and i am a part of it.
My Mom and Bro were so happy that i was one among the organization abt which most of the Indian graduates crave to be part of and my brother was more proud of me than happy that i was someone and not something. I dunno if it was really worth to be that happy, but it was a great comfort to me that my ppl are happy cuz of me which they scarcely are. Then I finally joined the campus carrying all the pain of missing my people i.e. my friends, mom, bro and i really dont want to express in words how much i missed them all.
30th June, 2007, it was the day i started from Hyderabad. I was going to get my ass trained for my new job. "Software Engineer, Infosys". Its a tag which i have, to be proud of, of all the years i've lived my life. Though I was not too excited abt my transition from a student to a working citizen of India, I was not too sad to leave my heaven(Hyderabad). May be i needed a change, that was somethin i needed badly. And finally i am havin it. The Change.
And now as i was leavin, my best friends came home, to bade me bye. We had lot of fun, the previous day, we had a lunch out at a chinese restaurant as i wanted to treat them. We sat at my favorite place, the highest point at my place, the water tank,that night, blabbing some shit about our best moments. I even had one of my closests friends of a time, visiting me that late night. Though officially we're best friends, we both know that there has been a gap, a pretty long gap between both of us, that neither of us deny to accept to each other or to others. But, we know the truth. The reasons. May be, each of us have our own explainations to defend ourselves, ultimately truth strikes like hell. May be, even this is a part of transition. Anyways. I dont want to elaborate much on this point.
The next day i was busy with my packing and all stuff cuz i was leaving for a pretty long time. Even since morning i was kind of, having some neutral feelings. I was neither feeling sad nor happy and the fact that i was very much conscious about that was actually bothering me a lot. Everyone of of us respond in some way wen we're having some kind of transition, but i dunno y i was like that. No feelings. Jus went on packing my stuff and spendin time wid my friends, as casually as i do usually. That's how it was, and that's how i was. My mom never found me emotional at any point of time, or may be i never let her realise my feelings, i never knew. I was jus wondering if i lost all my feelings and emotions. Why have i become like this?? This thought has been twinging me. But then slowly the day passed and we had to leave to the railway station for my journey. As we reached the station i felt a strange prick in my heart, a feeling which was tranquillizing me and was almost preventing me from going and i was not able to agnize it. And this pain was actually suffocating me even more as the time was passing by. Then finally i bade goodbye to my friends and then the train slowly moved. Then i realised that, the "prick", was nothin but a feeling, deep in my heart, which was gesturing from inside me, that i was missing my friends.
At once all the my thoughts plunged me and I was in a trance. I am not going to be with them anymore. All those fun we had together will all remain as memories and then there's no chance to experience it again except for talkin abt those times and feeling sad about them. I might find new friends, but definitely i am surely goin to miss these bastards for sure. Oh my god!! Why are my eyes filled with tears. I dont wanna cry, and i am not, but its paining and i want to cry. But i didn't. Why am i missing them so much. They're not my relations, then why am i missin them so much, why??? I then realised that it was because i loved them, for it doesn't need to be in any kind of relation to be in love. I loved my friends and now i am leaving them. I never realised that they were so important to me and that they were really so close to me that i wud start missing them some day. But everytime you have things waiting to pounce on u at once. I immediately msged them wat i felt and as a fact they too were in same situations. We were such a bastards in the college, that probably everyone who knew us, in the college would never think that we too wud have feelins. We were considered psychos by almost everyone. Finally, we psychos too have feelings and we were experiencing them. With that trance i went to Bangalore and slowly got myself out of it.
Once i was in Bangalore, it was a full week of shopping for me and my ATM(My bro) was ready to sponsor it. I bought almost everything i've wanted. And my ATM never defied me. During this week, i've had many kinds of experiences and almost all my experiences carry different kind of thoughts with them. It was on one of those days, i saw these people. They were about four or five of them, all dressed in attires resembling the cartoon stars like Tweety, Bugs Bunny, Donald Duck and others. They stand infront of these big multi-branded stores to entertain people and mostly children. I never knew how these people looked in real, but they were covered totally in those clothes that they were really lukin cute and had a permanant smiling face. I wondered if they were really that happy, they wud never have had to do this job. Problems, Pain, Money.... All these alre so closely related and all these could make you do anything. But then, you can never run away from them. And you have this thing called pain, that exists everywhere in some or the other form and it hits like deep shit. Thinking about them i let go that night. There were many of these kind of experiences which made me feel i was actually growning and understanding pain even more. But, dear, the more you understand pain, it'll get closer to you and finally award you with its own degree and settle with you forever. So be careful.
And finally I had to go to get my ass ripped and so we started to Mysore. The world's best training centre, i would say, with world class facilities and which a normal person would never even be able to dream or think of owning it. And i was a bit proud that i was atleast living there for a good amount of time and i am a part of it.
My Mom and Bro were so happy that i was one among the organization abt which most of the Indian graduates crave to be part of and my brother was more proud of me than happy that i was someone and not something. I dunno if it was really worth to be that happy, but it was a great comfort to me that my ppl are happy cuz of me which they scarcely are. Then I finally joined the campus carrying all the pain of missing my people i.e. my friends, mom, bro and i really dont want to express in words how much i missed them all.
Confession
Its been a long time that i've updated my blog and i really feel sorry for tht because i was very busy for my new job and a new world. There's a lot that i have to say and i didn't find time for all that. Will try to update the blog soon....................... Sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............
Wednesday 30 May, 2007
Powered by Intellect, Driven by Values
September 1st 2006. A day I could never forget in my life. Even after these 9 months, I still remember almost every small go of that day. It is the day, which made me feel the caliber in me. It may not be a great achievement for many people and if really considered, may be it isn’t any. But even then, I feel it an accomplishment because I know the pain behind failure. It is only the savor of defeat that makes you realize the ecstasy in your achievement. If a man is successful, then he is not recognized for long. But a failure is always reminded of his debacle all the time. That is how the society is. But once he succeeds, all those ill things spoken about him disappear at once. He becomes a hero. And slowly as the time passes, even he, is ignored. I always felt that failure makes a remarkable presence than success. That is the reason why I am proud of myself. Yes I am. Not because I achieved something, but it is because I understand the throe in failure. If success had come my way without any failure, may be I would have never realized that twinge.
Now you might be wondering, what is all this bullshit about… Hmm.. Actually it is the day I got placed in Infosys. When I was asked to write about my dream company in my campus placement form, with out any hesitation I wrote “Infosys Technologies Limited”. And then the campus placements started. The first one was Cognizant Tech Ltd, and I failed to pass thru the interview and same was the case with Wipro and Satyam. Almost all my close friends got placed in those companies and I was left alone. This inferior feeling actually used to kill me but somehow I used to manage to keep my regular happy face all the time. And I thought, Infosys was the only option left for me. And the final day of battle came. There was a pre-placement talk as usual and it was kinda interesting for the first few minutes and later it got boring and I was trying to kill time by clicking pics of people who were already sleeping. And later there was a test, and suddenly we realized that the paper was not how the general pattern used to be, consisting of puzzles, but it was full of objective questions relating to quantitative analysis n other stuff. But thanks to my CAT coaching classes, I was able to attempt the paper. Even though I solved few of those questions, I had no idea of getting thru. And once the results were out, to my surprise, my name was the sixth one called in the list. My eyes were almost wet and I went to attend the interview, it was a stress interview which I realized later. The interviewer was an old man of about sixty years and seemed least interested in me. I began to realize that Infy was not my cup of Tea. Once the interview was over I was damn sure to fail and I even suggested my friend that we would leave. But then, she insisted that we stay till the result was out. And I was waiting there with a dumb and expressionless loser face cursing my F’ed fate. And finally, it was time, they began announcing the names and I without any excitement was standing at the back. And then someone called out, DIVYA DEEP L., and I realized that the “Someone” was none other than the HR of INFY. I couldn’t bliv my eyes, and I swear I really couldn’t. I went to the announcer and checked my name in the list twice and was later convinced. There were no bounds for my happiness. All the pain vanished in a whiff. There are many other moments that I can be reminded of, but don wanna make this even more boring.
Now the reason why I’ve been blabbering all that was cuz I am now going to enter a new life and don wanna forget those moments. My first achievement.
Adios Engineering. Yo Infy!!!! Here I come…
Now you might be wondering, what is all this bullshit about… Hmm.. Actually it is the day I got placed in Infosys. When I was asked to write about my dream company in my campus placement form, with out any hesitation I wrote “Infosys Technologies Limited”. And then the campus placements started. The first one was Cognizant Tech Ltd, and I failed to pass thru the interview and same was the case with Wipro and Satyam. Almost all my close friends got placed in those companies and I was left alone. This inferior feeling actually used to kill me but somehow I used to manage to keep my regular happy face all the time. And I thought, Infosys was the only option left for me. And the final day of battle came. There was a pre-placement talk as usual and it was kinda interesting for the first few minutes and later it got boring and I was trying to kill time by clicking pics of people who were already sleeping. And later there was a test, and suddenly we realized that the paper was not how the general pattern used to be, consisting of puzzles, but it was full of objective questions relating to quantitative analysis n other stuff. But thanks to my CAT coaching classes, I was able to attempt the paper. Even though I solved few of those questions, I had no idea of getting thru. And once the results were out, to my surprise, my name was the sixth one called in the list. My eyes were almost wet and I went to attend the interview, it was a stress interview which I realized later. The interviewer was an old man of about sixty years and seemed least interested in me. I began to realize that Infy was not my cup of Tea. Once the interview was over I was damn sure to fail and I even suggested my friend that we would leave. But then, she insisted that we stay till the result was out. And I was waiting there with a dumb and expressionless loser face cursing my F’ed fate. And finally, it was time, they began announcing the names and I without any excitement was standing at the back. And then someone called out, DIVYA DEEP L., and I realized that the “Someone” was none other than the HR of INFY. I couldn’t bliv my eyes, and I swear I really couldn’t. I went to the announcer and checked my name in the list twice and was later convinced. There were no bounds for my happiness. All the pain vanished in a whiff. There are many other moments that I can be reminded of, but don wanna make this even more boring.
Now the reason why I’ve been blabbering all that was cuz I am now going to enter a new life and don wanna forget those moments. My first achievement.
Adios Engineering. Yo Infy!!!! Here I come…
Monday 14 May, 2007
Note:
People readin these posts. Please note that i pen down watever i feel at the very moment i am writing. So there may be times my posts may contradict my previous posts. But, What to do! That is what i am!! A chameleon!!..;-)
Wudn't be surprised if ppl wud consider me a lunatic too.. Cuz... A lunatic is a lunatic!!!!!!!!!
Wudn't be surprised if ppl wud consider me a lunatic too.. Cuz... A lunatic is a lunatic!!!!!!!!!
Sunday 13 May, 2007
Philosophy of Life
There are times when we feel lonely, even though we have many people around us. Many a time, in the night, when I sit on the top of my house, all alone, gazing at the sky, I feel there’s nothing in the world that belongs to me. Nothin. Not even myself. Nothing in the world belongs to us. Its jus for the sake of the outer world we live. Are we living our lives, the way we want to be? Are we satisfied with our regular life? Was there any day, that we were satisfied totally with our living, without any regrets, without any compromises, without being unhappy? Then what in the world are we proud of?
There are lot many questions pondering my mind, why is this life like this? Few people say, it jus depends on the way we accept life and few say we must not think life in such way and should be optimistic. But, does concealing the truth, lets the facts drown? Does being optimistic mean drifting the truth and run towards the outward success of life? Doesn’t your inner self keep reminding you about the things that you lost in life? The moments you couldn’t spend with your best friend, cuz of some work at the office, the first b’day party of your kid you cudn’t attend, the thoughts you couldn’t share with your spouse cuz of hectic work. Could these losses be recuperated? Few of them jus come once in a life time, but we fail to be a part of them. Do we call it success? Does it mean we’re winning? What are we winning against?
Whenever I see, a dog fondling its pup, all day long, the immense pleasure involved in being with the baby, could never match to anything in the world. The freedom they’ve got, the love they share. Many a time, I wish I were a dog. Man is said to be the wisest ever living creature. But is this wisdom what we call? Does this sapience make any sense? All the time, we’re involved in gainin the so called “Success”, which actually is nothing but an Illusion, a dire fascination. After gaining all this success, what are we going to do? Pack it n carry it while we’re being cremated.
Even after all these thoughts I have in my mind, I still realize that even I am a part of this world and I should live according to its norms. The world where there is no truth at all. And everyone of us are a part of it and even though we don’t want to be the way we are, we ought to live it the way we are and that is the philosophy of life and we have no other choice except for living the way we are. If we try to be different, we’re considered as lunatics and imbecile. But deep in our hearts, we’re actually jealous of the person who is living his life the way he wants to. But, as a “HUMAN BEING”, we cannot accept other’s success, the real success. But a happy man, wud never care of other’s perception towards his life. But, we rarely find such people, almost seldom. Atleast, I am not as fortunate as them.
There are lot many questions pondering my mind, why is this life like this? Few people say, it jus depends on the way we accept life and few say we must not think life in such way and should be optimistic. But, does concealing the truth, lets the facts drown? Does being optimistic mean drifting the truth and run towards the outward success of life? Doesn’t your inner self keep reminding you about the things that you lost in life? The moments you couldn’t spend with your best friend, cuz of some work at the office, the first b’day party of your kid you cudn’t attend, the thoughts you couldn’t share with your spouse cuz of hectic work. Could these losses be recuperated? Few of them jus come once in a life time, but we fail to be a part of them. Do we call it success? Does it mean we’re winning? What are we winning against?
Whenever I see, a dog fondling its pup, all day long, the immense pleasure involved in being with the baby, could never match to anything in the world. The freedom they’ve got, the love they share. Many a time, I wish I were a dog. Man is said to be the wisest ever living creature. But is this wisdom what we call? Does this sapience make any sense? All the time, we’re involved in gainin the so called “Success”, which actually is nothing but an Illusion, a dire fascination. After gaining all this success, what are we going to do? Pack it n carry it while we’re being cremated.
Even after all these thoughts I have in my mind, I still realize that even I am a part of this world and I should live according to its norms. The world where there is no truth at all. And everyone of us are a part of it and even though we don’t want to be the way we are, we ought to live it the way we are and that is the philosophy of life and we have no other choice except for living the way we are. If we try to be different, we’re considered as lunatics and imbecile. But deep in our hearts, we’re actually jealous of the person who is living his life the way he wants to. But, as a “HUMAN BEING”, we cannot accept other’s success, the real success. But a happy man, wud never care of other’s perception towards his life. But, we rarely find such people, almost seldom. Atleast, I am not as fortunate as them.
Sunday 6 May, 2007
Orkut Display Names and Pics
Disclaimer: This Post may be offending for most of the readers as it may contain some facts related to them. And any resemblance to any person or to his/her is mere coincidence. Its jus to describe and make the readers understand about the matter has the author used few infracting Sh*t or wateva. Now the disclaimer nonsense is over n u could read the post.. Here it goes..
When I surf the communities in Orkut, I come across many profiles with strange Display names and even more strange names for the pics in their albums. I mean it’s so strange people write about themselves, vaunting their so called ingenuity. I noticed a guy writing “Born to Rule”, now the guy’s actually a +2 student and seems that he even failed in a subject or two. Now I never understood what in the world made him feel he would be ruling. And an other guy writes “If looks could kill, then get ready to die”. I was curious of how handsome the guy wud be. Damn!! Jesus Christ!!! Watever he wrote was true. His looks were so KILLING, that I almost got killed. F*^k Shit. I never thought he meant it in true sense. Dunno how many other people he killed, with his KILLING LOOKS.
There’s an other guy who writes “MADDY ALWAYS STAY WITH COOL”. Now the mordancy here is.. Firstly, I was never able to understand his English. Ok let’s not ridicule over his language cuz everyone cant speak or write good English and cud make mistakes. I later tried to scrutinize wat he wanted to convey. But in the process, i was tryin to interpret what he meant to say by “always stay with cool”, is it that it's summer and he wud want to stay cool resting or being Cool, with the “Yoh Man!!” effect. And his name or pet name, wateva, its Maddy. Never understood if it meant that he’s mad or a foolish ass. And there are people who put, names such as PRINCE, PRINCESS, AMAZON, bullshit and so on… Now I’ve always been wondering which state is still allowing them to rule and these Amazon women, few of then are so lean, damn you can blow them off with no second go. Hope these people realize the crap they’ve been writing and the fun that they’re makin outta themselves.
Now, about the Pics and their captions. Once I came across a profile, The display image was stating “IF BEING SEXY IS A CRIME, ARREST ME”!!! WTF!!! For a moment I was wondering if the person is Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson in disguise. I was kinda inquisitive and went thru his album expecting a hansome hunk. Now wat I find is a guy, looking as lean as a Marasmus kid, he’s got long hair and was lookin a vamp with his googs. Damn! if he considered himself sexy wat wud Hritik and Brosnan think of themselves. They wud bang their head against the wall and blow themselves with a gun. “Brosnan! Please, Please don’t sign in to orkut. Hope u wudn’t want repent.”. There are many quoted pics saying “This person’s pic is too sext to be displayed”, “Girls! Please don’t look at my album”, “Album Updated”. I dunno wat ppl want to convey with their weird display names.
After noticing many profiles like these, I too feel like putting a caption, “God! Please Why did u give me Commonsense!”(Now that was a joke though). But I think I must actually appreciate these people for their astounding attitude. Hats Off People!!
When I surf the communities in Orkut, I come across many profiles with strange Display names and even more strange names for the pics in their albums. I mean it’s so strange people write about themselves, vaunting their so called ingenuity. I noticed a guy writing “Born to Rule”, now the guy’s actually a +2 student and seems that he even failed in a subject or two. Now I never understood what in the world made him feel he would be ruling. And an other guy writes “If looks could kill, then get ready to die”. I was curious of how handsome the guy wud be. Damn!! Jesus Christ!!! Watever he wrote was true. His looks were so KILLING, that I almost got killed. F*^k Shit. I never thought he meant it in true sense. Dunno how many other people he killed, with his KILLING LOOKS.
There’s an other guy who writes “MADDY ALWAYS STAY WITH COOL”. Now the mordancy here is.. Firstly, I was never able to understand his English. Ok let’s not ridicule over his language cuz everyone cant speak or write good English and cud make mistakes. I later tried to scrutinize wat he wanted to convey. But in the process, i was tryin to interpret what he meant to say by “always stay with cool”, is it that it's summer and he wud want to stay cool resting or being Cool, with the “Yoh Man!!” effect. And his name or pet name, wateva, its Maddy. Never understood if it meant that he’s mad or a foolish ass. And there are people who put, names such as PRINCE, PRINCESS, AMAZON, bullshit and so on… Now I’ve always been wondering which state is still allowing them to rule and these Amazon women, few of then are so lean, damn you can blow them off with no second go. Hope these people realize the crap they’ve been writing and the fun that they’re makin outta themselves.
Now, about the Pics and their captions. Once I came across a profile, The display image was stating “IF BEING SEXY IS A CRIME, ARREST ME”!!! WTF!!! For a moment I was wondering if the person is Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson in disguise. I was kinda inquisitive and went thru his album expecting a hansome hunk. Now wat I find is a guy, looking as lean as a Marasmus kid, he’s got long hair and was lookin a vamp with his googs. Damn! if he considered himself sexy wat wud Hritik and Brosnan think of themselves. They wud bang their head against the wall and blow themselves with a gun. “Brosnan! Please, Please don’t sign in to orkut. Hope u wudn’t want repent.”. There are many quoted pics saying “This person’s pic is too sext to be displayed”, “Girls! Please don’t look at my album”, “Album Updated”. I dunno wat ppl want to convey with their weird display names.
After noticing many profiles like these, I too feel like putting a caption, “God! Please Why did u give me Commonsense!”(Now that was a joke though). But I think I must actually appreciate these people for their astounding attitude. Hats Off People!!
Wednesday 2 May, 2007
Indian Weddings
Weddings. The very thought of this word gives me a sick feeling. No!! It’s not that I hate weddings. But the hype that people give and the fuss that they make really irritates me. I think I hardly attended four or five weddings since my childhood. Don’t know why I never liked them as they never gave me a good notion. When I was a kid, I used to love goin to these weddings. May be its cuz I get to meet many people and the sight of people always intrigued me. But then, later I slowly learnt that it was no fun, meeting those old jerks who used to squeeze my cheeks for their vicious pleasure. Many a time I used to feel like hitting them on their testicles to pop their fu*kin balls out. Damn, wat do they think, am I a Merry-Andrew. Now if that is the case with me, imagine what the bride n the groom would be facing?
The saga of the Indian wedding goes on. Now, there’s guy called Groom sitting on the stagecoach arriving towards the Bride’s house as the soldier returning from the war. The guy seems to be more tired than excited by the time he arrives. Hmmm.. I think I shud describe it as a mixed feeling of tiredness as well as excitement. The people beside him, behave as if he’s a Private returning from the war with medal of honor. I’ve always wondered if the guy ever realized what’s all the ruckus goin on. Hmmm… He wud jus be thinking of the so called wonderful moment(s) that he’s going to have after the show.
Now once the couple is brought to the congregation hall, the irony of the whole episode begins. The pundit recites the endless chants of the mantras which are neither understood by the couple nor by the audience. Now by the time half of the ritual is over, most of the people either sleep or do their own work. The ladies keep commenting about the sarees and their colors and the men keep gossiping about politics or some worthless shit. The couple are the scapegoats here and all the people enjoy the sadistic pleasure of dumping two other lives, for which they give it a sacred name called Wedding.
After all this bullshit drama, people fiendishly wish the couple “A Happy Married Life” thinking that there goes another rabbit into the den. This is what they call, A Wedding.
The saga of the Indian wedding goes on. Now, there’s guy called Groom sitting on the stagecoach arriving towards the Bride’s house as the soldier returning from the war. The guy seems to be more tired than excited by the time he arrives. Hmmm.. I think I shud describe it as a mixed feeling of tiredness as well as excitement. The people beside him, behave as if he’s a Private returning from the war with medal of honor. I’ve always wondered if the guy ever realized what’s all the ruckus goin on. Hmmm… He wud jus be thinking of the so called wonderful moment(s) that he’s going to have after the show.
Now once the couple is brought to the congregation hall, the irony of the whole episode begins. The pundit recites the endless chants of the mantras which are neither understood by the couple nor by the audience. Now by the time half of the ritual is over, most of the people either sleep or do their own work. The ladies keep commenting about the sarees and their colors and the men keep gossiping about politics or some worthless shit. The couple are the scapegoats here and all the people enjoy the sadistic pleasure of dumping two other lives, for which they give it a sacred name called Wedding.
After all this bullshit drama, people fiendishly wish the couple “A Happy Married Life” thinking that there goes another rabbit into the den. This is what they call, A Wedding.
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